Where no Man has Gone
by Lt.Gungirl
Summary: Fanfic for season 1 episode: 'Unexpected' Yeah I know this is way late-but I was young and had no clue what fanfic was when my ideas about that episode became a story.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This has been floating around in my head since I watched the first season eleven years ago. Finally got around to writing it. But yeah first ever Star Trek fanfic. **

"Trip, we found the Xyrillian ship." Archer announced over the intercom to Engineering. "What's left of it." The Captain added quietly.

The man being addressed, Commander Tucker, the Chief Engineer, looked up and his blue eyes waned with fear. "Uh, Cap'n, what do you mean what's left?" The young man's Midwestern U.S. accent spiking in worry.

"The ship was destroyed Trip, T'Pol says the energy trails left behind are Klingon." There was a pause and a sharp curse hovered on Trip's tongue. "We're sending a probe into the wreckage to see what we can recover." The Captain's voice was reserved and for good reason. "Can you come up to the bridge?"

Trip swallowed his profanity and sighed. "Be there in a jiff Cap'n." The intercom went dead and Trip turned to his staff. "Hess take over." He said to a woman working on a panel.

"Yes Commander." She nodded her eyes briefly glancing at the off-white collared shirt and slacks Trip was wearing in place of his Starfleet uniform. He ignored her eyes and left Engineering. He walked down the corridor quickly, angrily. If the Klingons had really destroyed the Xyrillians than the predicament Trip was in had just worsened tenfold. His first encounter with a new species and he'd blown it. _All she asked is for me to take a break with her and play some mind game. Hey Ah'Len you forgot to mention that game of yours is the way you people have sex._

He drove his finger into the button that opened the turbo lift doors. In the brief moment of privacy he rubbed his face with his hands. "Why me?" He questioned into the air as if some authority on his fate would actually answer.

Absently he rubbed underside of his left arm in annoyance. The growths on his wrist itched and it only reminded him more of the rather embarrassing fix he was in.

On the bridge his eyes shot to the screen. Sure enough familiar chunks of twisted fractured metal floated in the blackness in front of the Enterprise. A partial chunk of the ship turned a gaping jagged mouth at them. The strange plants the Xyrillian's grew were charred and dead. Trip didn't like the look of it one bit. In fact his stomach flip-flopped rather violently.

He clutched the railing as he stared at what was left of his one ticket out. Archer and T'Pol watched him quietly, hoping that their Commander wouldn't give them an earful of acerbic ranting. Instead Trip looked at them crestfallen.

"So that's all that's left? Any trails of escape pods?" He kept a barely audible hope in his steadied voice.

"I scanned the area three times at the request of the Captain; Commander there is no evidence that a single Xyrillian successfully escaped the attack." T'Pol's cool voice left no room for question.

"I'm sorry Trip," Archer said looking at the screen. "Our probe is retrieving what was left of their database."

"Perhaps there will be information to aid in solving your problem." T'Pol added. Trip just nodded quietly. He just couldn't believe they were gone. And killed by Klingons too.

Klingons. Trips' blood boiled. _There's always somethin' causin' trouble for me._ Trip seethed. The heat of his sudden fury felt good, made him feel masculine, human, not like an effeminate science experiment.

Part of him regretted that the Xyrillians were gone; he'd liked them, even if their engineer had unknowingly knocked him up. He'd liked Ah'Len; to him the game had been harmless flirting. Now the mother of the life growing inside him was gone. So was any hope of removing the fetus harmlessly.

He felt the pain in his side coming back; it always got worse when he was angry. The soft skin of his chest was stretching well beyond its normal limits. Stretching over a thing that didn't belong on his chest. Didn't belong to him.

"I'll be in Engineerin' if you get any other good news." The Commander replied sarcastically. T'Pol watched him leave one eyebrow raised quizzically. Captain Archer sighed. He didn't really know how to help his friend.

Back in Engineering Trip set to work on a job that required some pounding around. He wanted to hit something, smash something into oblivion, and secretly he wanted to punch the thing growing in his side. But Phlox had advised him that any physical harm to the fetus would almost guarantee permanent heart damage for Trip. Besides, he really didn't want to hit an unborn child. Even if it was an alien that didn't belong in him.

Trip found a perfect place to work and set to almost happily.

The engineers around stopped their work and stared at a Jeffrey's tube that had buckled. Inside they heard a furious hammer beat as Trip swung with all his energy. It felt good to imagine he was pounding another of his problems into shape with each resounding strike he made. He even dared to imagine Klingon heads as he swung away. He was at least enjoying getting his anger out, no matter how much the noise hurt his ears.

"Hey Commander, mind putting your drum session on hold for a while?" Some one called into the tube.

_Ha ha_ Trip thought._ Just what I need a comedian in my Engine Room._

He stopped and climbed out. He stood up slowly and grunted. The tube had put him in an awkward position and his muscles were tense now. They protested at him stretching.

The rest of his shift was quiet, lonely, and maddening. He refused to read reports; his mind was too mischievous to trust that reading would keep it properly occupied. Instead he did some routine checks that he'd finished just before boarding the Xyrillian ship; he just needed something to do, keep his hands from poking at the lasting mark Ah'Len had bestowed on him.

Ah'Len. It was possible she died not knowing that she was a mother, or that Trip was the one carrying her offspring. It sounded just like a Xyrillian. Let someone else do all the hard work while they took the benefits.

When his shift ended, he went straight for the mess hall. He didn't really feel like eating, but his stomach assured him it was in need of refueling. Dr. Phlox had warned him that he would probably feel different. Hunger was just one of the many charming symptoms a normal human woman handled during pregnancy, as was morning sickness and sore achy muscles. He didn't like Phlox comparing him to a woman like that, but he had no choice. So he kept his mouth shut and listened, mainly because if he didn't Archer would give him grief. God knew Trip didn't need any other problems on his plate right now.

When he went in there were already quite a few people lined up for dinner. He got in line and sniffed at the aroma coming from the food. The smell of fish caught in his nostril with a sharp jolt that made his stomach summersault. _No fish for me tonight._ He groused.

What he ended up with on his plate made him wonder just where his brain was. He'd gone for the most mismatched meal he'd ever seen. A salad, some fruit, steak, two pieces of apple pie, pickles, and a slice of toast with ketchup on it. He quickly scanned for the most secluded table and found it. Occupied by none other than Subcommander T'Pol. He rolled his eyes and sought a table closer to her. If he stayed close to the Vulcan than most everyone else would not come up to him for a chat or question his rather unique dinner choice.

Seated, and eating as though he had never eaten in his life, Trip prayed to no one in particular that the medical data Phlox was inspecting had a quick fix for the Xyrillian spawn in his chest. They'd at least retrieved a large chunk of the database.

T'Pol stopped to speak with him as she left the mess hall. "Commander," she greeted waiting for acknowledgement.

"Yes?" Trip asked from the corner of his full mouth.

"Dr. Phlox has informed me that he wishes to speak with you and the Captain after dinner. " Her face and voice remained flat and dead. "Archer did not wish to make an announcement."

"Ok." Trip replied before biting the ketchup coated toast. T'Pol's eyebrow rose at the unusual meal and Trip shot her a warning glance. She dropped her eyebrow and turned away without another word.

Trip looked down at his plate and his appetite went out the window. _Why did I ever think this was a good meal?_ He questioned himself as he disposed of the mostly eaten mess.


	2. Chapter 2

"I know you aren't going to like this Commander," Phlox began in a pleasant but serious tone. "But the fetus you're carrying isn't what I originally suspected." Archer and Trip shared a quick glance.

"It isn't?" The engineer asked quietly.

"On the contrary Commander, it does not contain strictly Xyrillian DNA as we thought. While it was initially nothing more than an identical copy of its mother, the fetus can not sustain itself solely on the mother's genetics. After a week in gestation the fetus requires DNA from the father." He paused a smile still on his face.

"Are you saying the kid's mine?" Trip asked unbelieving.

"Yes, or it is becoming." Phlox answered. "The tendril connected to your pericardium allows the fetus to absorb your blood, and from the blood your genetic material is assimilated into the already standing Xyrillian DNA." Archer held up a hand for a moment.

"Dr. you're saying that Xyrillian's steal their father's DNA?" the Captain asked. He didn't look too convinced, or thrilled.

"Xyrillians, like humans require two sexual counterparts in reproduction. Both must contribute genetically for the progeny to remain healthy. The male and female roles are reversed as you can see. The male is not merely just a host, at first there are none of his genes in the fetus, until such time as the embryo can no longer develop with just one set of DNA, so it attaches to the pericardium, taps into the blood, and 'steals' the DNA from the host parent." From his face Phlox was genuinely thrilled at such a discovery.

Archer covered the smile on his lips. His friend just didn't have any luck. Trip looked mortified; he couldn't believe what Phlox was telling him.

It took him a minute to make his brain work and even then it was apparent he was in shock. "Did you get that from the recovered data?" He asked dumbly. Phlox nodded.

"Xyrillian's aren't just parasites." He stated hollowly. "This thing is absorbing my genes directly into itself?" His blue eyes were dark. Just what kind of trouble was he really in?

"Yes. Previous attempts at mating with other species proved fatal, the DNA of the father was not accessible enough for the offspring to obtain the necessary diversity of genetics. Both father and child are almost always killed. "

Trip and Archer's eyes zeroed in on the Denobulan instantly. "Don't worry," he chuckled. "It would seem that humans have an unparalleled similarity to Xyrillians genetically speaking. Human DNA is readily available in the blood. In fact the fetus has been able to gain more than enough DNA from the Commander. In that sense I see no danger." The two humans let their breath out in relief.

"But this means I have to take way more responsibility for this than I expected." Trip whispered. "This isn't just Ah'Len's kid anymore, it's…it's…" he couldn't finish the statement. He felt so pitiful right then it was almost disgusting.

"Yours." Phlox nodded. Trip's hands pressed into his face hiding whatever emotions were trying to escape for his friends to see. "With the human DNA that the child is integrating into itself the gestation process is slowing. I estimate that seven weeks is now closer to twelve."

"Twelve?" Trip asked through his hands. "And let me guess, you still can't remove it without harming us both?" Phlox shook his head with finality.

"The risk of serious injury or death has grown with this recent development."

"Then I'm stuck with this?" Trip asked.

"You could terminate the pregnancy." Archer whispered to the disgust of the doctor. Trip looked at his friend and searched his dark eyes. There was coldness in them that Trip rarely saw, and it made him shiver.

"Jon?" He asked breathlessly. "Didn't you just hear what he said?" Trip sat down on the edge of a bio-bed and rubbed his face again. "This isn't just an accidental transfer of an Ah'Len clone into my body. This is well, this is our kid." He managed in a tight voice.

"You're planning to go through with all of this?" Archer asked gesturing with his hands. Trip said nothing. "Think about it Trip. We still don't know what could happen to you."

"Cap'n you have to understand something. I'm responsible here. I flirted with Ah'Len; I let her know I liked her. Maybe she thought it was okay for their version of a one night stand. And don't you dare call it date rape. I did the deed willingly, this is the consequence. Not to mention Ah'Len and her entire ship might be alive if I had done a better job at repairing their warp coils instead of conceiving a child. I know we were waiting, but I could have gone over configurations or something."

Archer looked at his friend. "You can't blame yourself Trip." The coldness in his eyes dispersed.

"But I still have to take responsibility. Besides if this kid's…m…mine I won't make it pay for my mistake. It just isn't right." Trip stood up irritated. Archer averted his eyes and dropped it.

"Before you go Commander I have these for you." Phlox offered him a bottle of pills and a PADD. "These are prenatal vitamins, and this is a selection of the Xyrillian medical files dealing with pregnancy."

"If we're done here Doc, I'd like to go rest Trip took them grudgingly. Phlox nodded. Trip didn't look at Jon as he left sick bay.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning Trip awoke to a nasty little surprise. He made a dash for the bathroom just before his stomach unloaded its contents. _And so it begins._ He mused washing his face. He caught sight of his reflection and sighed. His bare chest looked so weird, so different, so Alien. He brushed his fingers over the bulge in his skin and pulled back. It was warm and tender.

He searched his own eyes searching for a way out. Maybe Jon had been right, and he should just dispose of it. But he reeled at such a heartless thought. You couldn't dispose of life like that. If there was one thing he hated it was pointless death. Why was he still debating? Because part of him wanted to be a coward. And that sealed his fate right there. He was no coward.

He went to take a shower hoping that the warm water would loosen his tense muscles.

At breakfast Trip was quiet in the Captain's mess. He wasn't really in a talkative mood, and his appetite wasn't quite back. Phlox was there, discussing information he'd obtained. "There is enough information from the Xyrillian data to say that it is not likely for the Commander to be in any more danger than a pregnant human woman." Trip winced at this, he was a man.

"That's good news." Archer replied subdued. He still wasn't keen on the idea of having a pregnant crew member on his ship, even if it was his best friend.

"I believe now would be a wise time to go ahead and send a report to Starfleet." Phlox spoke slowly, not wanting to upset Trip.

But the man's lowered head snapped up and he frowned. "What?" He looked at Archer.

"I have to ask for orders from Starfleet Trip." Archer answered. "They may want you on Earth…for scientific reasons." Trip's eyes widened.

"I never thought about having to leave the ship." He whispered in irritation.

In Engineering Trip decided to read reports hoping the nausea in his stomach would dissipate. But the reports he had ended up taking almost all of his shift time. With an hour of work left the intercom caught his attention. "Commander Tucker would you please come to my ready room?" Archer's voice sounded tense. The engineering staff looked at him quizzically. Archer had been sending for him a lot since leaving the Xyrillian ship.

"Yes Cap'n." He answered feeling the heat rise in his cheeks. He hurried out before anyone could ask him a question.

Forrest greeted Trip with amusement from a computer screen. "Good Afternoon Commander Tucker!"

Trip turned annoyed eyes on the Captain. He was not amused at not being told he would have to personally speak with Forrest.

"Commander, you were brought here to discuss your future with Starfleet." Archer spoke calmly.

Trip swallowed. He was sure he'd be sent packing back to Earth. Although, the idea of being able to leave the ship before telling his crewmates wasn't such a bad idea.

"Tucker, I wanted to let you know that we're rather intrigued by this unusual turn of events, but our scientists here don't feel a need to pull you out of space. It seems Dr. Phlox is doing just fine on his own. My chief biologist is worried about the controversy this may bring up as well."

Trip felt relieved. "Thank you Sir," he gave a slight smile. What Forrest wasn't saying was that Starfleet didn't have a clue what to do with him and would rather he staid away from prying eyes. And that the biologists had no desire to deal with him.

"I believe congratulations are in order?" Forrest said awkwardly. Trip's face grew hot and red. Forrest seemed just as uncomfortable.

"Uh, thanks," Trip whispered his eyes not meeting Forrest's. He scuffed his shoe on the floor waiting for the conversation to be over so he could go and hide. He felt so exposed now that Starfleet knew. He just hoped that Forrest wouldn't say anything to his parents.

"I look forward to your next report Archer, Forrest out." The screen went dead. Archer smirked at his friend.

"Cut that out." He gave a glare that didn't have much threat in it.

"Well Trip, looks like your career's safe." Archer began sobering up. "So about informing the crew," his voice trailed off the Captain knew how much of a situation this could be.

"No." Trip blurted stubbornly.

"Trip," Archer said patiently. "You and I both know it isn't long before people figure out on their own. You don't want them spreading rumors or falsifying the facts do you?"

Trip sighed hand running through his hair. "No," he started. "Senior Bridge Staff should be informed by you. I'll tell my staff, everyone else can learn from their own superiors. No intercom announcements."

Archer nodded. Of course.

"I have a feeling I'm not going to like this." Trip mumbled leaving.


	4. Chapter 4

"Everyone, I need to talk with you all." Trip began not meeting the eyes of the engineering staff. When everyone had given him their attention he willed his voice to stay calm. "So um, I need to explain something. I know you all have been wondering about me, and the reason we searched for the Xyrillians." He glanced at Hess who was intent on the Commander. He felt that she somehow knew, but then women had intuition. He was suddenly afraid of Hess, if she did know who had she told? Or what ideas had she gotten about him?

"Xyrillians aren't like humans, their gender roles are reversed, and well, when I went over there I took a break with their engineer and we played what she called a game." He paused and swallowed. His stomach felt heavy.

"She failed to tell me that their idea of a game is what we'd call…" his voice died suddenly. He forced himself to say it. "Intercourse." He looked down the blood rushing to his cheeks. He felt so nervous, more so than he normally did. _Damn hormones._

"Commander?" Hess asked. Her eyes were wide with realization. "You don't mean to say that you're?" Her voice died off as she tried to remain serious. But she was almost smiling, and their was a light of humorous curiosity in her eyes.

"I do." Trip nodded. He stared at his feet waiting for the reactions. There were a few gasps, and some chuckling. But for the most part people were stunned to silence, which wasn't too bad for him. As long as they didn't start laughing at him all together.

"How serious is this?" Hess asked.

"Serious enough to be dangerous if Dr. Phlox tries to remove the fetus," Trip answered. He shifted his weight from foot to foot. Why did he feel like he was about to hyperventilate? It wasn't like him.

"Commander, are you going to be leaving the Enterprise?" He thanked his lucky stars this question was an easy one.

"No, Forrest hasn't ordered me back."

"How do you know this is safe?" It was a woman asking the question. She sounded almost offended at the idea of a man being pregnant.

"We recovered a great deal of medical records from the wreckage. Phlox has got a lot of info." He paused again glad people were more into technical info than asking him about the how or what.

"You know what they say about hicks. They'll do any girl that let's them." It was a whisper in the back of the room, but the Commander heard it well. His face grew red with anger. He was not a hick. He was the chief engineer of Starfleet's first exploratory ship. And it wasn't like he'd made physical contact with Ah'Len. Doing anything physical with her had been so far from his thoughts that day that it was an insult to have people assume he was such a womanizer.

"Excuse me, do you mind sharin' that little wise crack?" His voice was hard, he wasn't afraid to stand up for himself now that it was out. Silence followed.

"In case you're curious, Xyrillians don't get physical at all. It's a telepathic sort of game. We never even kissed." His eyes had hardened a little. If they wanted to think things up he'd make sure to keep it to only the facts.

"But how does that work? Physically you and the other engineer were incompatible." Hess was always quick to think.

"Well, that's what I would have thought, but the evidence is there." He shrugged.

"But human men don't have the proper equipment to fulfill what we consider the woman's part." Hess replied. Trip almost laughed. He'd wanted to say the same thing to Phlox.

"They start out with absolutely none of the father's DNA, and then just like they stole energy from our ship, they steal DNA from the host parent." Trip couldn't stand to refer to himself as a father. He felt so lost and alone. If only the Xyrillians were still alive. Hess nodded in understanding.

"I'm sure Phlox is having fun?" She asked. Trip quirked a smile and nodded.

"Well that's jus about it. I am warnin' you that I ain't gonna answer questions from here on out. And if you people treat me any differently I'll assign you to janitorial duties for a week. Dismissed." The group dispersed and Hess stayed behind.

"That must have been hard for you to admit." She whispered.

"Yeah." Trip answered. Now that it was over he wasn't feeling quite so anxious. But he still felt unsure of himself. Like it was all a bad dream. _If only._ He thought.

"I'll be here if you need anything." Hess said as she left the engine room. Trip just watched her leave. He could tell things were going to get weird.

Trip had decided to eat dinner in the mess hall. There was no avoiding the crew now. Trip paused when he saw Malcolm coming from the other direction. The Chief of Security motioned for the Commander to go first.

Trip silently went ahead, he hoped that Malcolm was just being polite, and not acting on Trip's predicament. "Hey," Trip tried to start a conversation.

"Good evening." Malcolm was obviously tense.

"How're things in the armory?" Trip asked intent on having a normal conversation. Damn him being in an awkward predicament he was still their Commander and still the same man.

"Good," Malcolm replied. "Nothing to complain about."

Awkward silence fell over them. It was apparent Malcolm knew, but was afraid to broach the subject. Trip managed not to get too strange a meal, just some steak and fruit, and of course toast with ketchup. "Why don't you join me?" Trip offered. He was only trying to be polite.

"If you wish." Malcolm nodded.

After a few silent bites Trip sighed. "I'm not contagious." He quipped.

Malcolm almost smiled. "I would hope not," he replied. "Now I understand why we were searching for the Xyrillians, must have been hard to see the ship in pieces." Malcolm's voice was genuinely sympathetic.

"Yeah, it was pretty amazing when I went aboard. It was sad to see it all destroyed. And so many lives gone." Trip held his voice steady, even if his emotions were running away with his frustration. He suddenly missed Ah'Len. But it was brief and he relaxed a bit more.

"I take it the mother didn't know?"

"Ah'Len probably thought it wouldn't work, there were records of failed interspecies breeding." He said it almost detached, but his throat constricted the tiniest bit.

"So what is it like, telepathically speaking?" Malcolm asked a tinge of red in his cheeks.

Trip chuckled. At least he hadn't asked how it felt to be carrying another life inside him. "Like nothing you've experienced. I felt as though I knew so much about Ah'Len and she did the same about me. There was an exhilaration in being mentally connected. It was kind of relaxing. I mean I knew what her favorite food was."

Malcolm nodded, "It sounds rather frightening, having someone read your thoughts and reading theirs." To Malcolm it was probably a rather large security risk.

"At first it felt odd, like someone was watching me, but it was fun to pick random thoughts from her mind."

Malcolm finished his last bite and avoided gazing at the ketchup covered toast. "I must say I am rather interested to see what happens, but if you'll excuse me I do have reports that need reading."

"Sure thing. Catch ya later." Trip nodded. Malcolm left the table and before much time had passed T'Pol was standing over the engineer.

"It would be wise to choose a more balanced meal from now on. It is imperative that you remember that that meal is now feeding two lives instead of one." Her voice was cool as ever.

Trip nodded. "I'll keep it in mind, as long as the cravings for this stuff aren't too bad."

"I recall reading that pregnant humans are prone to unusual dietary cravings. Nevertheless, it is illogical to avoid a proper meal based on impulse." The Subcommander added.

Trip felt himself getting defensive, wanting to challenge her so called logic in his eating habits. But that was rash, and exactly what he didn't need. "I wish it were that easy," his voice was soft and upset.

"Did I offend you?" T'Pol asked.

"No," Trip replied still quiet. "Just another one of those mood swings Phlox warned me about."

"I am aware that humans suffer from violent mood swings. May I suggest meditating several times a week? By emptying your mind of all thoughts you will lose some of the irrationality of your emotions." She somehow looked sincere, with her hands behind her back.

"Thanks," Trip spoke slightly impressed with T'Pol's concern for him. The Vulcan nodded her head and then left him alone. Well it was better than T'Pol giving him crap about how he had gotten himself into trouble.

If anything he was doing rather well in light of such a crazy conundrum.


	5. Chapter 5

Trip found himself hating every minute of his life. Each day started with puking his brains out around five am. Breakfast was iffy, residual nausea always threatening to send it back up. Hess had become a sort of mother hen and kept an eye on the Commander, to his great dislike. In the course of an hour he sometimes felt his mood change half a dozen times. And usually while he was talking to someone else.

Phlox's reading material was distressing at best. The failed interspecies pregnancies were frightening and it took a lot of control to finish the records. He didn't even want to think about Phlox's projected postnatal responsibilities for Trip. Then there was the fact that he was always craving sweets, and ketchup coated toast(which seemed to weird a good deal of his shipmates out).

And of course his chest was swelling at a ridiculously fast rate. The pain was enough to give him reason to complain. The fatigue he felt by dinner time was also a nuisance. And meditating at night only gave his mind time to wander on the negative thoughts that hid in his mind. To say he was overwhelmed would be an understatement. And yet somehow he felt a tinge of excitement. He felt it now and again when he was alone, usually in bed at night. Like there was something amazing at work here. But he fought to keep such ridiculous feelings down. He was just stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Archer pestered Trip for two weeks before he agreed to call his parents. It would be cowardly to send a letter, but the dread at seeing their reactions was no better. At least a letter would have granted him a reprieve.

And yet when he finally called them he managed to catch their attention. "Mom, Dad, I want to let you know you can quit nagging me about grandkids." Why did he feel more enthusiastic about such news than he should have? Emotional roller coaster would have barely scratched the surface of what he had been going through.

From their he explained everything. Making sure they knew that he had not willingly joined in sexual activities, nor had he made any moves on Ah'Len. That she had lied to him about the true purpose of the granules based on her belief that Trip was not compatible with a Xyrillian. It was a rather stupid way to get into trouble he realized. But it had happened by some twist of fate.

He almost started crying a couple times when he watched their expressions. They were upset, confused, and even disgusted at times while their son spoke. But he managed to remain lucid somehow.

His father was obviously disappointed with his son's behavior, and his mother seemed very confused by her son's story. In the end he shed a few unwanted tears when he explained what had happened to the Xyrillian ship, and that they believed Klingons were behind it.

"That is a terrible tragedy." His mother spoke gravely, "I am sorry to hear that." She seemed unable to speak about anything else for the time being.

Trip just nodded. He really didn't know how to respond. "Son, I hope you understand the responsibility behind this. I'm proud of you for not taking the coward's way out, but this is new to you, it's backwards, unnatural. I want you to promise me you'll get help if you need it." The older man seemed to have gotten over his shock fairly quickly. "Even if it means doing the unthinkable."

"Don't worry Dad, I've been getting a lot of help these days." His voice was just a smidge sarcastic.

"I have to admit I find it hard to believe, sure there was that movie by that actor with the heavy accent, but this is real. It's like science fiction." His father said still trying to cope. At least he wasn't yelling at or disowning his son.

"Without the fiction." Trip added.

"I just don't understand it." His father whispered.

His mother finally spoke. "I still can't believe that there are races where the men are the ones to…" she shook her head unable to finish her sentence.

"Me neither," Trip replied. "And the evidence is starin' me in the face."

His father was beginning to speak when the doorbell rang. "Oh goodness I forgot we're having company. We'll talk later, and this doesn't leave me or your father's lips." His mother assured before rising and vanishing off screen.

"Take care." His father added sternly.

"I will, oh and Dad, I was hopin' you and Mom would tell Lizzy. She can call me, but for right now I don't have time to call her." His father nodded and he sighed with relief before ending the connection.

As far as family went they were handling the situation well. No yelling or cussing, and not a single negative remark. Sure he'd had a small lecture from his father, but he didn't disown Trip. At least they seemed to be handling things logically.

The next day Trip received a call during his shift. He was at his desk giving his back a break. The sudden extra weight was putting quite the strain on his body. The few people around quietly managed to find work elsewhere. Hoshi had told him who it was on the other end. And Trip had fallen back into his seat suddenly afraid with no clue on what he should say.

Elizabeth's face came into view on the screen. "Hey Trip." She greeted with a mischievous grin.

"Hi Lizzy," Trip smiled. He had been expecting her to make some sort of fun from his rather unusual condition. And thankfully he was in a good mood at the moment, maybe it was the ribs he'd had for lunch.

"So I heard ya got yourself a kid, with an alien." Her grin only grew. Trip smiled sheepishly back and nodded.

"So how's it feel to be the one doing all the work?" Lizzy asked a light of mischief in her eyes.

"It's a giant pain in my neck." Trip replied laughingly.

"You mean chest." Lizzy corrected. Trip laughed, but it was weak. Why did he suddenly feel she was teasing him with more malice than she ever used?

"Yeah."

"So I'm gonna have a niece right?" She asked dropping the fun at her brother's change of mood. She knew when he was upset and she had been warned by her parents not to make too big a deal out of this. Her father had mentioned Trip had seemed to shift through emotion at the drop of a pin.

"Don't know yet." Trip began soberly. "You just want a girl you can dress up."

"Yep. What else is an aunt supposed to do?" She smiled again. Was he hearing a tinge of patronization in her voice? He tried to tell himself it was silly, but he was just too paranoid to let it go.

"Well one thing's for sure. I ain't naming it after you if it is a girl." His voice was a littler harder than he wanted.

"Alright," Lizzy spoke amicably. "Just let me know when you do find out. I want to send something." Trip nodded. "So do you feel like you're making a contribution to science?" The humor managed to return to her voice.

"No." Trip snapped.

"Good, mom and dad are glad you don't have to leave the ship." Her voice carried a secret she wasn't telling him.

"What?" Lizzy seemed to hesitate. "Come on, you can tell me."

"Dad's real upset about this. He said it wasn't proper for you to get that involved with an alien you knew nothing about. Even if you didn't do anything by our standards. And well mom's kind of ashamed. She won't tell anyone and she's worried sick about your health. But both are very proud you are accepting the consequence even if it's unnatural."

Trip felt the proverbial straw give way. "It's not like I wanted this." His voice came out louder than he wanted and he glanced around. But he saw no one around even though they could probably hear the whole thing. He lowered his voice. "This isn't what I expected when I made first contact with a new species. You think I like this?" Lizzy shook her head. Her eyes held a sincere apology in them.

"I'm sorry Trip." She mumbled quietly.

Trip grunted in response. She was really pushing it today.

"I'd love to talk longer, but my break is over. Call me whenever. Love ya." She seemed like she wanted to say more but her time was up.

"Love you too." He replied before she vanished. He looked around. No one was nearby and he stood up and almost kicked his desk. He felt suddenly ridiculed. Had Elizabeth been mocking him from the start of their conversation? Were his parents proud of him for being a responsible adult? Or had they put him down the minute they were no longer talking to him. Hess had spoken to him.

"Commander are you alright?" She asked for the second time. He gave her a cursory glance. Trip's blue eyes were glassy, and he left the engine room quickly, sure that Hess too was teasing him. In the corridor he kept his head down and marched quickly.

In the turbo lift he could no longer control himself. Tears, hot and salty escaped unbidden. He tried to fight them back. Tell himself he was being illogical. But he was too strung up emotionally speaking. He felt so miserable it was pitiful.

The turbo lift stopped, but it wasn't the deck he'd chosen. Trip turned towards the wall and looked down at his feet.

"Trip?" It was Jon's voice.

"What?" Trip didn't look up.

"Are you ok?" Archer was aware that if Trip was upset, it wasn't normally like him.

"I'm fine Jon." Trip replied. Was he never going to get ten quiet minutes to himself?

"Hess told me you seemed upset after talking to Elizabeth."

"It's nothing."

"Ok. I was just thinking a piece of pecan pie would be nice." Trip sighed. He still didn't look up. He was just gaining control over his tears, and the mention of pecan pie seemed to pull him out of whatever sorrow he'd found himself in. Funny how he couldn't remember the moods after they were gone.

"Sounds good to me." He replied feeling more like himself than he had in the past few days.

Jon smiled, "Good."


	6. Chapter 6

Later in in Sickbay Phlox seemed more amused than ever. "What's with you Doc?" Trip asked the irritation beginning.

"The two of you are doing very well. In fact I think she's healthier than any of the children I've read about in the Xyrillian records." Phlox replied with a grin.

"That's good-wait…she?" Trip asked a hint of enthusiasm in his voice. Phlox chuckled.

"Yes Commander, it's a girl. Would you like to see her?" Phlox had said that a visual was not advisable the past four weeks. But now he was offering a glimpse. And for a moment Trip was frightened, what if it was some ugly horrible thing that looked nothing like Ah'Len or himself? But a curiosity and some deep paternal instinct won the battle.

"Sure." He answered in an attempt at sounding nonchalant. Grudgingly he'd begun to feel a sense of affection towards the child as he had been forced to accept it was his.

The screen lit up and Trip stared in quiet wonder. The screen gave a color view. She was tan skinned, with a light spattering of scales on the edge of her hairline, on her forehead and neck, and on the palms of her hands. Trip had not expected to see the soft skin on the top of her head where hair would begin to grow. She even seemed to be smiling at him, though she was still very undeveloped and her head was massive in comparison to her body. The moment he saw her, he said goodbye to his heart.

"She's beautiful," Trip whispered.

"Indeed," Phlox agreed.

That evening Trip carried around a PADD with the image of his daughter on it. He showed it to whoever came and sat with him, or shared an interest in her.

Travis joined him and since he'd seen the strange things space had to offer he was rather more curious about Trip and his unique experience. "I think it's kind of cool." The pilot admitted. But then he was used to people having kids on ships in space.

"Thanks," Trip replied genuinely glad someone seemed excited besides Phlox.

"I guess I like the idea of having kids on board. I grew up in a freight ship myself." Travis kept talking. He was one of the few who seemed to treat this situation as nothing out of the ordinary. It made Trip feel good to talk to someone who wasn't freaked out by him.

"I never would have thought of bringing a kid onto a Starfleet ship." Trip admitted.

"This is space, expect the unexpected." Travis replied.

"I'm learnin'." Trip said with a smile.

"So got any ideas for a name?" Travis asked suddenly. In all this time Trip had been preparing himself, a name for the child had never crossed his mind.

"Well, actually I haven't even thought about that." He replied.

The other man smiled. "It'll come to you. Trust me." Travis said as he stood up. "I'll talk to you later Commander."

"See ya later," Trip replied. It was nice to have a friend sometimes, someone who didn't think about what was happening, or try to avoid it like it was a forbidden topic at the family table.

When he got to his quarters he wrote a letter to his sister, letting his family know that he had a daughter. He wondered how they would take it. Hopefully that would help calm whatever tension was building back home.


	7. Chapter 8

A few days later Trip and Archer were in the Captain's Mess eating breakfast and talking about Trip's future on the Enterprise.

"I just don't see why I wouldn't be able to do my job. I mean, I know I'm down to half time right now, but I have a duty to this ship. Besides I'm sure someone will be willing to baby-sit her."

"I hope so." Archer replied. "I just don't want you ruining your career."

"Like I'd let that happen." Trip replied with a smile. "Forrest isn't begging I come back home. There's ways I can make this work. I spent years getting here, I ain't gonna throw it away just cause there's a kid in my life."

Archer nodded unconvinced.

"So I've been trying to figure out a name for her. Got any ideas?"

Archer looked at him thoughtfully. "I wouldn't know Trip. Honestly, I don't usually think about things like names."

"I was thinking something kind of exotic, but still-" He winced mid-sentence and froze for a moment. The look of shock in his eyes was almost scary.

"Trip?" Archer asked. "Hey Trip!" The Captain yelled.

The engineer looked at him, "She kicked me," he gasped out obviously in pain. "I'm gonna go see the Doc." He stood holding the table bending over with pain. "I think I might need some help getting there."

Archer nodded and had the steward notify Phlox. Then he put Trip's arm over his shoulder and they headed for the turbo lift.

In Sickbay, Phlox was not surprised. "She's merely broken a few of your ribs. But all I can give you is a pain reliever. The bones will have to heal on their own. May I suggest taking today and tomorrow off?"

Trip nodded, "Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna get much done with this kind of pain." He'd broken bones before, but ribs were different, and every breath he took made the pain spike worse.

Archer looked at Trip's bare chest and the protrusion on it which was indeed moving, well the baby underneath his skin was. Phlox fearlessly place his hand on the man's chest and smiled. "She is indeed a rather energetic child." The doctor pulled away slowly.

Archer briefly contemplated asking to feel, even he was curious about her. Phlox was the doctor so Trip couldn't say no. But the man was already so embarrassed by the situation it just didn't feel very polite.

Trip saw a gleam in his friend's eyes and sighed. "Go ahead, but just this once. And don't tell anyone, I'll have half the women on this ship wanting to touch my chest." He said this with a good natured smile. It turned out that Hess and Hoshi among others were rather curious, and Trip gave them as little as possible.

Archer slowly put his hand on the skin between himself and the baby and pulled back quickly. He then replaced his hand slower this time and waited a few seconds. "It's certainly somethin' isn't it?"

Archer just nodded.

As days passed Trip found himself talking to her when he was alone. Sometimes he'd ask her for a name, or tell her to quit kicking him. But he had to admit, she was stealing his heart away a little at a time. The PADD with her picture was still next to his bed. He wondered if maybe the imbalance in hormones was causing him to feel differently about her. Either way something had changed.

Though he was just about done with broken ribs. He didn't know what he was going to do if she didn't stop breaking his bones. The pain she caused was already bad enough, but broken bones on top was worse. And Phlox had admitted a fear in her bruising his lungs. That made him even more cautious.

Of course today he found himself talking to her in the mess hall out in public, something he'd tried to avoid. Despite the fact he was indeed not very happy with this predicament he felt a special bond with her. And he surely felt it was a private bond.

"Would you calm down." He begged the squirming body in his chest as he tried to eat his lunch. She had decided now was the time to be uncomfortable and to move around.

"May I ask who are you speaking to?" T'Pol came up behind him, hands behind her back. Trip's cheeks grew red, at least any human member of the crew would have been inclined to leave him alone.

"To my daughter." Trip replied as if it were blatantly obvious. Apparently it wasn't so with the Vulcan.

"It is rare for Vulcans to speak to their unborn offspring. But if you are in the habit of holding one sided conversations with her then perhaps you should meet with Ensign Sato after dinner. She asked me for advice concerning an idea she has for you."

Trip was going to ask her why, but the Vulcan left before he could. Figured. She always managed to leave before he could ask for an explanation. She was just too slippery to catch.

Hoshi found him seated at a table with a large slice of chocolate cake. Xyrillians ate a diet high in sugars, and Trip was not exempt from constantly wanting sweets. His pants pockets were full of hard candies and he had desert with every meal. Even breakfast had to have some kind of sweet attached.

"Commander," Hoshi greeted.

"Please have a seat." Trip nodded.

"Are you ok? You look a little thin."

"And I thought I was gettin' fat." He replied sarcastically.

She giggled. "No you look like you aren't eating enough." Hoshi explained.

"Doc says I'm ok. I doubt that's why you wanted to meet me." He added so she knew he wasn't in the mood to catch up. If she had something important she needed to get it out.

"So I was thinking about your daughter, and I talked to Phlox already, and I think it would be wise to teach her both English and Xyrillian. I can give you lessons on Xyrillian, but if you are going to raise her bilingually you should start learning the language now."

"Oh." Trip replied licking frosting from the corner of his mouth. "I guess it might come in handy if we ever meet another Xyrillian ship." He was going to say more but Hoshi was quick.

"Excellent. I can tutor you every night after dinner. We only have about seven weeks if Phlox's estimate is correct." Hoshi beamed. Trip hadn't said yes, but then again, he probably should just do it. He nodded unable to see another way out. "Then your first lesson is the Xyrillian alphabet." She handed him a PADD and then jumped into the first lesson enthusiastically.

Hoshi threw words and phrases at him forcing Trip to repeat her words. After two hours of Xyrillian Trip had to beg off. He was tired, and Hoshi had refused him any of the hard candy he had been craving. She wanted him to learn it properly, so speaking with anything in his mouth was out.

He popped the candy in his mouth as he got up. "I promise I'll practice this stuff every day." He walked for a few feet and then stopped. His hand went to his chest and he almost fell to the ground. Hoshi ran to him and caught his shoulders.

"Commander are you ok?"

Trip was clutching his side, his hands on the bulge that marked where the child was. "..Kicked me…stomach…" He said breathlessly. He had choked on the candy and was trying to swallow it down. Hoshi got him a cup of water which he downed quickly and when the obstruction was dislodged he took a shaky breath.

His stomach felt like it would give the old heave-ho any second now and it also hurt. He was used to some amount of pain by now, but this was made worse by the pain in his throat.

Hoshi took him to Sickbay despite his protests. He was used to her kicking him, but not that hard. And he had to admit the pain this time was a bit overwhelming. Who knew an unborn fetus could cause so much trouble by just moving around? Then again women were prepared for such events and their vital organs were safely away from the child.

Phlox thanked Hoshi but assured her that the Commander was in no physical danger. However Trip was made to stay the night in sickbay. Phlox didn't want to leave him alone in case another violent kick caught him in the stomach.


	8. Chapter 9

The next morning Trip walked to engineering reading over the Xyrillian homework Hoshi had given him. With his shift cut by four hours he'd chosen to come in later. Giving his stomach time to calm down before work. He'd mentioned that most women lost morning sickness after the first few months, but Phlox assured there were a number of cases where morning sickness lasted the entire pregnancy. And as Trip's luck would have it he was among those who suffered the entire pregnancy.

That day in the Engine room he had to get on his back to help Hess, there was too much physical work for him to sit around reading reports, something Hess had been giving him. She had been cautious to allow him to help her, but there was no one else available. And besides the phrase, "I am not an invalid," had been said between the Commander's teeth. It would have been unwise to refuse his help.

Trip regretted his offer to help only a half hour later. He had to lean onto his right side to keep his breath steady. But the work was completed on time. But by the end of his shift he was exhausted.

That evening Trip made an effort to finish his food. He was just so tired he didn't think he could. His back was sore beyond belief, no amount of stretching was going to help. He managed to leave only a few bites before he clocked out. His eyelids fell heavy and everyone let him be. They figured he needed his rest.

Trip awoke with a start. He felt as though someone else was there with him. It had startled him so bad that he unintentionally launched the fork he was still holding in his hand. It clattered to the floor a few feet away. He glanced up to see Jon and T'Pol standing over him. He could have sworn the Vulcan looked amused if he didn't know better.

"Didn't mean to wake you Trip." Jon apologized with a smile.

"Wasn't you." Trip replied blinking.

"Dr. Phlox suggested we locate you since you are an hour late for your appointment." T'Pol spoke in her usual monotone voice. No amusement, perhaps he had imagined it.

"I better get to sickbay then." He stood up and clutched at the table. "Uh-oh" he murmured as the blood rushed to his head and his vision swam. His stomach twisted once and settled. His mind began to recede into darkness. Before he could hit the ground Archer and T'Pol caught him by the shoulders. They managed to carry him to sickbay where Phlox checked over the unconscious engineer.

Phlox seemed to find whatever had happened amusing. When Trip awoke Phlox was the only other person around. "Awake are we?" Phlox asked.

"What happened?"

"You simply went into shock, after your daughter made her first telepathic connection with you." Trip seemed to take the words slowly, his head pounded something awful.

"What?" He asked finally. Phlox only grinned.

"Your daughter has acquired the Xyrillian telepathy. Xyrillians do not read thoughts though. As you could see when you and Ah'Len were engaged in what you knew to be a game, the rocks that were in contact with your hands expanded the telepathic ability in you both allowing the transfer of thoughts.

"Normally a Xyrillian will form close bonds with a select few people, mainly relatives. These bonds allow them to feel emotions from another, and to project them as well." Phlox paused a brief moment before continuing.

"You went into shock because she released a chemical into your blood that brought about a slight change in your brain chemistry. It will allow you to feel her emotions and sense certain changes in her moods."

Trip shook his head. "So that explains the migraine." He lay back and let the sleep carry him away again.

When he woke up next morning he was in a bad mood. Not only was he tired of people helping him to sickbay. He was sick of the place. Phlox's perpetual good nature only grated on his nerves, it seemed the Denobulan found every event regarding Trip as somewhat amusing.

Also, he was sure the whole crew was beginning to think he was becoming weak and dependent on his shipmates. There was just something about relying on other's to help him out that was driving him crazy. Had he not blacked out he would have made it to sickbay just fine on his own. But then again maybe not. He remembered his father telling him to get help if he needed it. Trip stormed out of sickbay when he was finally allowed to by Phlox.

If things kept up Trip would be more than glad to lock himself up in his room until it was all over. But there was still four weeks. Four weeks was a long time to go without talking to people. Maybe what he needed to do was talk to someone. But who? Who could he talk to? Certainly not Jon. He would take it as a sign Trip couldn't handle working. At that was the last thing he wanted. The idea of talking to T'Pol made him laugh. She would just upset him by contradicting everything he said.

What he didn't expect was Travis to sit down with him at breakfast. "Hey Commander," Travis greeted.

"Mornin'" Trip replied.

"So I hear that Hoshi is teaching you Xyrillian." He began conversation without so much as a glance away from Trip's face. These days almost everyone looked at his chest. He wondered if the way he felt like he was on display was similar to women who complained of men ogling them.

"Yeah. She thinks it's important for you know who. Keep some of her mother's culture that way." Trip replied between mouthfuls. Maybe he could talk to Travis, maybe.

"Sounds kind of interesting. I mean, you'll have your own private language with her." Travis remarked after swallowing.

"I guess," Trip replied unsure.

"Hey, something wrong? You're awful quiet today." Travis remarked. That decided it.

"I'm okay I guess." Trip began. "I just feel so, so…"

"Unlike yourself?" Travis supplied.

"Yeah. Like everything has spiraled out of control. I mean it obviously has, but I hate this. And what makes it worse is everyone is babying me. I'm a grown man dam it. Everyone always seems to be around when I have a moment, and then they all try to help me out." Trip unloaded rather hastily, before Travis could back out. It was Travis who had asked.

But the pilot didn't seem phased. In fact he just smiled. "It happens. You're in the middle of something never done before. If you ask me everyone is just worried. I know they could probably be more discreet, but they also don't want to seem callous. I'd say they just aren't sure what to do." Travis replied.

"Still," Trip said, "I don't see the need to watch me like a hawk. I swear Archer has a constant watch on me. I can feel it."

Travis laughed. "You're just being paranoid man. Trust me, no one's watching you. They're just watching out for you. There's a difference."

Trip smirked. "That did sound kinda silly didn't it?" Travis nodded. Trip chuckled to himself, maybe Travis was right. It sure did sound like he was being paranoid. But at least now he'd talked to someone.


	9. Chapter 10

The next two weeks were slow. Doctor checkups, language lessons, his staff pawning off the easy jobs to him, trying to find ways to ease his aching back, and searching for a name. These were just a few of the daily activities. As the days passed his appetite only increased and he found himself in the mess hall almost every hour. And what was worse was his desire for sugar.

He was eating a lot of candy and sweets. Hoshi had joked that he was going to lose his teeth, which had only ticked him off and ended their language lesson early one night. But all that sugar scared him. Phlox assured that while a good amount of it went to the child, the rest was simply to keep his metabolism up.

Phlox had grown concerned about his metabolism, it seemed his daughter was draining quite a bit from him. So Phlox had prescribed an IV drip every night while he slept. It was during one of his sleepless nights that he found a name he liked.

He had been reading through a list of fictional character names from Earth novels, and the name Lirael struck him as perfect. It was from a rather morbid series written by an Australian. But he didn't care about the story, he just liked the name and the way it sounded.

He kept trying it on his tongue saying it with Xyrillian inflections. He'd managed to pass all of Hoshi's surprise Xyrillian tests whenever she saw him. In fact he was rather proud of how well he was learning the language. Sometimes when he was alone he would say something to her in Xyrillian instead of English.

Lirael. He tried spelling it differently. Lyrail, Lirial, Li'rael had been an attempt at something remotely Xyrillian. But Lirael seemed to be the best choice. And once the name was decided he was actually able to sleep.

"Lirael Elizabeth Tucker." Trip suddenly spoke the next morning walking down to the mess hall. Archer who was walking with him looked at him.

"Hm?" He asked.

"That's her name." Trip explained. "Lirael Elizabeth." He felt something like excitement coming from nowhere. He wondered if Lireal knew he was talking about her.

Jon smiled. "Guess your sister got her name in there after all." He replied.

"I guess she did." Trip laughed. He hadn't meant to do that, but it worked.

"Not a bad name," Archer added being polite. With how tired and pale Trip was beginning to look he wasn't really worried about the child, he was worried about his friend. Jon was still not totally good with trip's decision, but he wasn't about to say the wrong thing. Trip was like a rubber band pulled too tight. One tug and he would snap.

Everyone else liked the name. Especially Hoshi and Travis. Out of everyone these two seemed to be the most excited. Travis had been a little unnerved by the fact that there were no children aboard. He'd grown up on a ship in space, so he like having children around, usually.

Hoshi and Malcolm made a trip to the nearest space station to pick up a package from Earth. It was for Trip of course and inside were all the possible necessities for a baby girl. Hoshi and Hess felt compelled to personalize a few items that were meant to bear the baby's name, of course Trip hadn't decided on a name before the package was sent. So his parents and sister had left them nameless. Hoshi said it was fun to write Lirael, both in English and then in Xyrillian on a pink and purple diaper bag.

Trip had made a face at the color scheme of most of the things inside the box, but he couldn't complain. Trip's small quarters were turned upside down with the addition of a crib, which was small already. His locker which didn't have a whole lot of clothes anyways was soon filled with baby clothes, some were for future months ahead, and Elizabeth had even sent a costume for Halloween. It was a one piece hooded butterfly costume with transparent wings.

He didn't like it much, but he'd probably put her in it to appease to her aunt. The woman had obviously had a hand in picking out the clothes. Everything was so girly it had to have been her picking them out.

Jon on the other hand had laughed when he saw it all. Especially since it was in his friend's quarters. The room was small enough as it was and now there was baby furniture, and most of it in pink and purple. "Looks like Elizabeth is making a statement."

"Yeah," Trip groused. "I'm pretty sure this was her work." He fingered the lacey pink blanket and shook his head. "Just like her too."


	10. Chapter 11

It was the last two weeks that were the hardest. Lirael had grown to a healthy normal infant size, this was putting enough stress on Trip's chest that he was confined to bed rest with short walks, and he slept sitting up, there was no way he could lay down. He looked tired, everyone had noticed the shadows under his eyes by now. He was pale too, but it wasn't so bad that people thought he might pass out.

Jon tried to make a joke out of it. "Pregnancy doesn't suit you Trip," he'd said it with a smile. But the Commander was in one of those moods where it was hard to predict his reaction. Jon realized his mistake too late. He instantly regretted the teasing.

"Yeah well you try this." He snapped.

"I didn't mean to offend you," Archer replied.

"Well, maybe you should have kept it to yourself." Trip was angry, it was no wonder, they had been refused the chance to search for the Klingons further. The trail had been lost a few weeks before and Forrest had made it clear they weren't in space to hunt murderers.

"Ok," Jon replied quietly and Trip apologized.

"I'm sorry Cap'n. I just don't understand my own emotions right now."

"I know. But you'll be done with this soon enough."

Everything was just so annoying. And Lirael constantly felt confined, trapped, even claustrophobic. This tinged Trip's own emotions and often he would become paranoid that the walls were closing in on him. Something he tried to keep to himself. Although Archer had caught him once or twice staring at the walls his blue eyes wide.

Phlox had made the IV permanent and he found himself fiddling with it a lot. For one thing it hurt, having a needle stuck into his hand constantly. Then there was the fact

People visited him often. Usually bringing gifts for Lirael, or providing a film or book to entertain the Commander. Phlox announced that the tendril that had tapped into his heart was slowly pulling away, allowing the pericardium to heal properly.

Hoshi came in the afternoon for the last few lessons. "You've taken to this faster than I imagined." She commented.

"I just don't have much else to do." Trip replied. "At least this gives me a challenge. I can't read another book or watch another movie."

"Good, at least you'll have it down when she's born." Hoshi replied with a smile. "Now today I thought we'd try some more conjugations. Just to make sure you have them down."

"Try me," Trip smiled. He'd spent the previous night unable to sleep. And as he said the only thing he had was his language lessons.

At the end of the twelve weeks Phlox had made it clear that surgery was the only way Lirael was going to come out of Trip. So begrudgingly Trip had spent the night before hungry. And still very uncomfortable.

Jon walked Trip to sickbay. The two were silent the walk there. Phlox was waiting. "Guess it's finally over." Trip murmured.

"You aren't getting sentimental are you?" Jon asked.

Trip looked at him. "No." He replied. "I'm glad to get this over with." He sighed. "I wonder what would have happened if the Xyrillian ship had…" he trailed off solemnly.

"I don't know." Jon answered. "But it's pointless to think about it now."

"Guess it is." Trip smiled. "See ya when this is all over."

"See you later Trip," Archer said with a smile. The Captain wasn't staying. He had other work to do, and while he was worried, he trusted Phlox would take care of things.

Phlox and Trip went into the surgery room after he was dressed in the surgical gown. Trip didn't much like wearing the thing, he felt like he wasn't wearing anything at all. "Now Commander I do hope you know that I will be giving you a full anesthetic."

"Yeah sure." Trip shrugged.

"If you're quite ready?"

"Lets do this." Trip nodded. He really was ready to be done with it all. He wanted to feel like himself.

Phlox gave him a hypo spray. Trip began to feel his eyes close. His thoughts which were a mixture of worries and curiosities faded away one by one till he was lost in dreamless sleep.

Trip woke up with a sharp pain in his chest for a moment he thought maybe he had only been dreaming or that somehow he woke up before he was supposed to. But when he opened his eyes and put a hand on his chest there was no bulge. There was only a line of scarred flesh.

"Doc?" he queried groggily. He wanted to know how it went.

"Yes?" Phlox replied appearing above him.

"How'd it go?" Trip asked. He was slightly worried by the fact that Phlox wasn't grinning.

"I'd say it went rather well." Phlox replied finally smiling.

"Where is she?" Trip asked.

"She is in the other room sleeping. I think you'll be happy to learn that these are merely a reaction to hormones." He gestured to the nipples that had grown on Trip's wrist.

"Thank goodness." Trip sighed.

"In fact your daughter's dietary needs are easily provided in a formula." Phlox added.

"Sounds easy enough to me." Trip replied.

"How are you feeling?" Phlox asked.

"Actually not too bad. Trip answered. "I can breath again." Phlox smiled.

"Most of the hormones have already left your body seeing as I removed the glands that had grown around Lireal that produced them. You should have no further issues with mood swings."

"Good." Trip grinned as he sat up and he was surprised by how weightless he felt. He looked at Phlox. "I'm allowed to walk around right?" He asked warily.

"Certainly." Phlox replied. "You are more than welcome to stretch."

Trip wanted to walk around so he could see Lireal. He had a feeling Phlox wasn't telling him something.

He turned so his feet almost touched the floor. He put his bare feet on the cold floor and shuddered. Of course hospital pajamas weren't exactly very warm. He glanced around hoping there was no one else was in sickbay. He seemed to be lucky this once and walked over to the glass wall separating the two rooms.

There beyond the glass was Lireal. Something surged through him at the sight of her sleeping form. She was tiny, paler than he imagined, with a crop of short blond hair and just a touch of scales. She looked perfectly healthy. There was a rosy tinge to her slightly tanned skin and she was breathing calmly.

"Can I hold her?" Trip asked turning to Phlox.

"Certainly." Phlox replied grinning. "She is in perfect health I was worried she would have trouble with our atmosphere but it seems she's quite comfortable."

Trip went into the room unsure of what he would do. He put his hands on the lip of the plastic bin she was sleeping in. He stared. "Lireal," he breathed. With a thought he realized that she was his. His alone. He had no one to share her with, and she was indeed his daughter. Who cared if she was half Xyrillian, and that she had been born backwards by human standards. She was healthy and beautiful, and she needed him. Just as he realized he needed her.

He understood now, all those times he'd talked to her, that feeling of pride when he'd gotten that first glimpse, it was because he did love her. He would have said it was impossible, at first he had hated her, and he regretted that.

Phlox came in behind and picked her up. She opened up her eyes and looked at Trip. Phlox handed the baby to Trip who took her carefully, tentatively and he surged with pride. He felt something in his mind, something akin to happiness. He looked at down at her and smiled. "Hello Lireal." Trip whispered.


End file.
